Can I Speak At Your Funeral?

I used to be an ordained member of the clergy. Okay, well I still am, but I no longer work professionally in that capacity. Depression and anxiety drove me to find another career. When I had a congregation, funerals were usually my greatest source of anxiety. I held myself to standards of perfection when I was writing eulogies and conducting funeral services. Inspired by too many impersonal eulogies written by clergy who did not take the time and effort to prepare something accurate and meaningful, I insisted on being different. I would be perfect for grieving families.

And I was.

But the pressure I put on myself nearly broke me. When I received a call or a text message from the funeral home, I started to suffer an immediate anxiety attack. I almost couldn’t breath until the funeral was complete. Even the sound of my phone ringing, a text alert, or the very vibration of a notification set me off. I was not healthy for my congregation. I was not healthy for my family. I was not healthy for myself.

So when I ask, “Can I Speak At Your Funeral?” I am addressing myself. Can I? Am I strong enough? Can I hold myself together?

I have created this space to share what I learn and what I experience on my journey. Most of what I glean in life is a gift from others.  So consideration my contributions here as a re-gift.